Many people including myself realize at some point in their life he/she is the person that is the backbone to everyone in their lives. He/she is the one that always keeps the peace, solves the problems, reassures everyone it's going to be okay and keeps everyone united by always putting a strong front in the face of adversity regardless of how he/she is truly feeling on the inside.
The letter I have posted is from a patient who is the person I described above. Something happened during her hospital stay that in the big picture is somewhat a small incident but was the catalyst to her breaking point. She was crying and was upset that she was crying because she "never cries". Her words spoke right to my heart because I've said those exact same words before.
I spent time with her reassuring her that it's okay to cry. Even the strongest of people need to cry. Years of bottled up pain, hurt, and keeping a strong front collapsed in the hospital for her. One event was enough to get her to her breaking point and thats OKAY.
That was the message I wanted to convey to her: its OKAY. Cry. Be upset. Everyone close to her knows she is an extremely strong person. She has not lost any of it because she cried. It just proves to everyone she is only human.
I told her what I wish someone would have told me several times in my life. I never cried in front of anyone. I took pride in the "I never cry" statement. It wasn't until recently that I realized crying is not a sign of weakness for women OR men. It's strength. To be able to cry and express one's emotions authentically exposing one's vulnerability exudes strength.
When we work so hard to suppress our true feelings from others we are robbing ourselves of happiness. We often do it because we feel that we need to be strong for everyone else. However, the message we send out is that we don't need them to be strong for us when it's necessary. That we don't need anyone. We can handle everyone and anything alone and simply, that is not true for anyone.
It's a lonely feeling because the people that know you well subconcuiously tell themselves that you are so strong you can handle anything or get through anything without complaining or help. After all, you have proven this to them time and time again by "never crying" and always appearing to be OKAY.
We teach people how to treat us.
This patient touched my heart on so many levels because I felt like I was having an outer body experience. Her family was so concerned because "she never cries". It was extremely alarming to them that she was crying so it must be REALLY bad.
This only reinforced my patient's feelings of weakness and feeling bad for crying. She had imposed these high standards on herself that she isn't allowed to show weakness i.e. cry. Therefore, I spent a lot of my day conveying to her its not weakness and that its okay to cry!
She then shared with me the second image I have attached to this post titled "kintsukuroi" which means "to repair with gold". The image is a lesson to teach us that there is more beauty in something that has been broken.
I love it!
My patients inspire me everyday. They change my life everyday. I am so grateful to have the opportunity to make a difference in peoples lives everyday.
Nursing has taught me that putting on the strong front is necessary sometimes but, more often than not showing emotion and compassion is the quintessence of nursing.
Until Next Time,
Norah
