"You Cheesed Me Dog"

I was reading about Chris Brown and his break up with Karrueche Tran. It’s the same story over and over. It boils down to respect and loyalty.  You think these song lyrics come from nowhere?

“We live in a generation of, not being in love, and not being together but we sure make it feel like we're together”

“These hoes ain’t loyal”

“These niggas ain’t loyal”

“You got niggas and I got bitches”

“You thought the little effort you put in was enough but how about now”

“It seems like nowadays everybody breaking up that shit can break you down if you lose a good girl I guess you need a bad bitch to come around and make it up”

“But girl, I'm just saying if you got a man back home, I don't know him just keep it on the hush”

“Left your nigga to be with my squad”

“Who do you fuck in the city when I'm not there?”

“Love you the right way he ain't gonna”

“She only fucking me cause I’m nigga rich”

“All these bitches know that you're my nigga I ain't tripping off of any of your niggas”

“Why would you call this love when you knew that it wasn't?”

“Backward ass bitch, do a good nigga bad”

“I don’t need you but I want you”

“I gotta missed call from your bitch”

“Your mans been calling me tryna get me to see that he wants me to be with him”

“She got my number stored under fake names”

“I don't trust him though I still love him”

Those are just ones I can think of right off the top of my head. I am sure I can write a 20 page essay just quoting song lyrics on how messed up the dating scene is. The worst part about these lyrics is that some of them condone having multiple guys or girls as long as she/he is the “main” girl/guy.  That is crazy! Because everyone knows if you really love someone you are NOT okay with others in the picture. However, the music we are being fed is making us think is acceptable therefore we try to override that gut feeling that it is wrong. That anyone and everyone are replaceable. It’s damaging and sad.

I feel women fall victim to this more often than men. You see women go along with acting like they are okay having threesomes, kissing other women, and just being plain promiscuous when really she was never that girl but she THINKS that’s what he wants and if she does it he will want her forever. This is precisely where women shoot themselves right in the foot or better yet, right in the heart.

We teach others how to treat us. If we disrespect ourselves how can we expect others to respect us? How can one demand respect if she/he does not respect her/himself.  You can’t demand what you can’t provide! Women often disrespect themselves by agreeing to do all of this promiscuous stuff because social media sells this idea that that’s what men want in a woman.

Sure, every man loves to look at a beautiful woman! Hell! Women like looking at beautiful women. Does it draw attention? Of course! However, does that mean that he wants to keep you long term? The odds are against you. Why? Because you are replaceable. There are thousands of women out there doing the exact same thing!

Market value. 

It’s simple.

You may not have 100 guys blowing up your phone but you will land that one guy that will consistently blow up your phone, which is ultimately what most women want and what causes all the problems with the 100 guys blowing up her phone. She wants them to consistent, they don’t want to be consistent.

Market value.

Men don’t want to be consistent because there are too many varieties of YOU. Multiple studies have shown that if you offer people TOO MUCH variety it makes it harder for the consumer to make a decision. Therefore, less variety or HIGH market value will create more consistency. Since you have no control over market variety that leaves you with the only option of making yourself a HIGH market value product.

People like to buy or keep things that are high value, popular, and most importantly keep their value over time (i.e. not FAKE).

When you go against what you believe is right because you are afraid of losing someone the only person you are cheating is yourself.

This whole Chris Brown break up plays into all of this because his ex is claiming he didn’t love her right and she deserves better. He claims that its all bullshit because she participated in the threesomes (i.e. she gave him the perception that she was okay with him having sex with other women), that she was never loyal because she visited him only once in prison meanwhile throwing parties and flying out Toronto to go on dates with Drake.

It’s a vicious cycle of disrespect that leads to disloyalty because either one or both people are trying to act like they are cool with the others behavior in fear of losing the other person. Then it just manifests itself in cheating and trying to fill that void somewhere else and justifying the cheating behavior by the very things that they did not address as NOT OK in their current relationship.  

We have to stop this cycle or at the very least know yourself and be honest with yourself and the person you are with. Keep it real and don’t be afraid to let people go.

Respect YOURSELF before anything. You will ALWAYS be winning and on top if you do that. I’m not saying it doesn’t hurt but trust me; it will hurt so much more when you disrespect yourself and lose your dignity with no choice but to walk away.

Ladies especially, learn to love you before anyone else! KNOW what you have to offer. Know that what you have to offer is high market value and act accordingly. You will never regret it because when you respect yourself you indirectly command respect from others.

Winning!

Until Next Time,

Norah

Bullies

As long as I can remember, I have always been one to stand up against bullying. My auntie growing up would always refer to me as my sister’s lawyer. My sister and I are a year and half apart. Growing up we were treated like twins however, she was the one that always tested the limits and I was the one that always came to her defense when she got in trouble. My brother who is 13 years older than me tells me I have been like that since I was a baby. He says, I always look out and protected my sister even though she is older than me!

It is in my blood and I can feel it in my veins when I witness situations of bullying. There is no way that I could watch someone or something get bullied and not innately want to protect the underdog. I am a protector especially when it involves people I love and care about. I definitely am EXTREMELY protective!! Don’t confuse protective with POSSESSIVE. They are very different. I am not possessive, but protective? Yes!

Two things inspired this blog: one I read an article on how seals are dominating penguins and sexually assaulting them. This REALLY upset me! I realized I immediately felt like I wanted to save the penguins and that this was not right as I hope everyone would feel!! Second, it made me realize I personally am being bullied at work and I never thought of it as bullying until my manager called it that.

I like to believe I am a tough skinned person. I don’t like to show emotion that makes ME feel like I am being perceived as a weak person as I assume most people feel the same way. It’s an ego thing. I’m working on it. However, I realize this in my work situation.

A couple of charge nurses on my unit pick on me regularly. I always justify it to myself by telling myself its because they know I am good at what I do and they are “testing” me. I am the youngest nurse on my floor. These charge nurses are much older; one in her 40’s the other in her 50’s. They have been nurses for at least 20 years. Nurses are notorious for “eating their young”. I have been victim to “eating their young” when I was a new grad nurse. However, 5 years later, the “eating their young” is on a WHOLE different level when it comes to me on this unit.

The problem is, I see everything as a challenge. So when they purposely give me hard assignments I make sure to do everything to the T and go above and beyond the expectation because I will never give them a chance to have anything to nit pick on. This is my ego. I realize it. When they throw curve balls at me or switch things up last minute I will politely question them to let them know I’m on to what they are doing and when the refuse to budge on the decision I do it but make sure to do it better than anyone else could possibly do it.

Bottom line, they make me FEEL like they want to see me in distress or fail. Therefore, my ego kicks in and I register it as a challenge and I like to win. So that is exactly what happens and it is a reoccurring theme. It’s interesting because I am actually a very softhearted; go with flow type of person but its interesting how different people bring out different aspects of who you are as a person.

Given that, this passed Monday was my breaking point; I realized it did not register as a challenge anymore but as an attack because I simply was SICK of the bullsh*t they put me through every time I am at work. I was simply tired of “proving” that I can handle whatever they throw at me.

Consequently, when I arrived to work on Monday and they had changed my entire assignment from Sunday for no legitimate reason and refused to change it back I was FUMING. Literally, if I were a dragon, I would have spit fire on them in that moment! It took EVERY once of me to keep my composure, remain professional, and get out of the huddle room and straight to the bathroom.

I was SO upset it made me cry. Then I became more upset at myself that I let them get so far under my skin to make me cry. However, I was SO happy I didn’t let them SEE me cry. There is my ego again. Crying = weakness. I know this is not a true statement however, I am aware that for whatever reason this is how I am wired.  

Long story short, once I got it together in the bathroom and regained composure I came out and had a “professional” conversation with this charge nurse stating that I did not agree with her decision to change my assignment and she gave me bullsh*t reasons as to why she changed my assignment and I countered with evidence that nullified both reasons she gave me for changing my assignment and informed her I would be telling our unit director (the manager of the entire unit) of this incident.

I spoke with my manager on Thursday informing her of what happened explaining I am not expecting her to come to my defense or mitigate the situation because I handled it right then and there but to inform her so that she is aware because I have had several meetings like this with her informing her of things that felt like injustices to me on the unit by the same two nurses. They gang up on me.

It was my manager that said to me word for word, “Norah, I don’t know why I haven’t done anything about this but I have thought about it several times and it is clear you get bullied. Several people have noticed it, not just you and I”. I kind of just sat there thinking, “hmm…I never really thought of it as bullying” but in reality it is. It doesn’t feel good and even worse I registered it as a challenge.

I realize that this behavior from the charge nurses stems from them feeling threatened by me for whatever reason. The truth is, I do not want their job. My plans for my career and myself are VERY different from what they have envisioned for themselves. However, they are entitled to their feelings. The thing that blows my mind is that I am not a threatening person. I am SO nice.  I am adaptable, ALWAYS offering and volunteering to help my coworkers and my coworkers know and feel comfortable coming to me for help. The biggest kicker is, these two charge nurses ALSO know they can rely on me and DO rely on me and call on me to help my coworkers OFTEN! Regardless if I’m busy, these charge nurses and my coworkers know I will MAKE time to help. I make a conscious effort to keep a positive attitude, to smile, to laugh because there is nothing worse than that ONE toxic person that complains about EVERYTHING! Everyone knows or has worked with one of those.

It’s ok to vent! But when you are the person that EVERYDAY is a bad day. EVERYDAY it’s a bad assignment. EVERYDAY someone is out to get you. I’m sorry to break it to you, but YOU are the problem. Not the day, not the assignment, not everyone else.

Moral of the story, I am extremely protective of the underdog in ALL situations however; I have difficulty realizing when I am the underdog and efficiently protecting myself.

I am learning…maybe that is why I am a nurse…

Until next time,

Norah 

Broken Ribs or a Broken Heart?

Rarely as a health care provider do we get to see a patient come around full circle after being coded for cardiopulmonary arrest. 

A patient that was not my personal patient was found pulseless and unresponsive sitting in a chair in his room. My manager and I were the first people to go in to provide help to my coworker. 

Once we did a quick assessment of the situation we realized we needed to get this patient out of the chair and into a position that we can start CPR.

Meanwhile our assessment, the rest of the staff had already brought in the crash cart, called the code blue, and notified the physician of the patient's situation. 

We gently brought him down from the chair to the floor and I immediately began doing chest compressions and requested defibrillator pads  to be placed on the patient. I could feel his ribs breaking under the palms of my hands as I was doing compressions. Adrenaline full blast! To the point that when I stopped to check for a pulse I wasn't sure if it was me or the patient because of my adrenaline pumping so hard.
  

I definitely work best under pressure.

It was all worth while because we were able to resuscitate him getting a pulse back and he was able to follow simple commands. The code ran so smooth that by the time the code team arrived they didn't even do anything because we had it under control. I believe our prompt response was the key to his positive outcome. I was incredibly proud of my coworkers and myself for being able to remain level headed, communicating clearly, and working efficiently to resuscitate this patient.

I believe the key to a well run code is designating a leader that can communicate objectively and assertively. The code runs much smoother when everyone involved is not trying to call the shots. One person needs to be trusted to be able to make the best decisions until the code team arrives to take over. 

We did not designate a leader but I somehow became the unspoken leader in this code. I think that is because I am the most comfortable person in code situations and have had most exposure to code situations than my coworkers. Also, I know I am blessed to be able to remain calm, objective, and work really well under pressure. 

Furthermore, once we stabilized the patient we transferred him from the floor back to bed then transferred him to ICU for closer monitoring. 

A few days later when I returned to work he was back from ICU onto the floor and I was assigned to take care of him.

It was surreal! Just a few days ago this man was lifeless and I was doing chest compressions on him and now he was awake and talking like nothing ever happened! 

Amazing!

I have coded many patients but I have never taken care of them again after the code because unfortunately, they either pass away or get to ICU, code again,and pass away there.

It was really an amazing feeling to know that we saved this man's life and that he made it out of the ICU back to the floor!

He kept complaining of chest pain from the broken ribs. He didn't know I was the one that did the chest compressions and broke his ribs...but the way I see it is, broken ribs are better than a broken heart.

The best part of this whole situation was the nurse that was taking care of him the day that he coded sent him home this passed tuesday!!Talk about coming around full circle! Statistically that is HUGE!!! Less that 20% of people who code in the hospital survive to be discharged home!! I have never seen it happen before this!

It's just amazing knowing that we made an incredible difference in this man's life by swift and timely intervention! It was such a special experience for me to be able to speak with this man and take care of him AFTER we coded him. The fact that he made it out of the hospital alive and well back home makes me so proud of what we do as nurses!!

We are every hospitals front line. As nurses we make or break EVERY patient's experience! Ask any patient, they will tell you the nurses are what make the hospital experience.

I couldn't be more thankful for moments like this. It fulfills my life purpose: to make a difference, to make an impact, to leave a lasting impression. 

What we do for ourselves dies with us. What we do for others and the world remains and is immortal. ~ Albert Pine

Until next time,

Norah

Breaking Point

  

Many people including myself realize at some point in their life he/she is the person that is the backbone to everyone in their lives. He/she is the one that always keeps the peace, solves the problems, reassures everyone it's going to be okay and keeps everyone united by always putting a strong front in the face of adversity regardless of how he/she is truly feeling on the inside. 

The letter I have posted is from a patient who is the person I described above. Something happened during her hospital stay that in the big picture is somewhat a small incident but was the catalyst to her breaking point. She was crying and was upset that she was crying because she "never cries". Her words spoke right to my heart because I've said those exact same words before. 

I spent time with her reassuring her that it's okay to cry. Even the strongest of people need to cry. Years of bottled up pain, hurt, and keeping a strong front collapsed in the hospital for her. One event was enough to get her to her breaking point and thats OKAY. 

That was the message I wanted to convey to her: its OKAY. Cry. Be upset. Everyone close to her knows she is an extremely strong person. She has not lost any of it because she cried. It just proves to everyone she is only human. 

I told her what I wish someone would have told me several times in my life. I never cried in front of anyone. I took pride in the "I never cry" statement. It wasn't until recently that I realized crying is not a sign of weakness for women OR men. It's strength. To be able to cry and express one's emotions authentically exposing one's vulnerability exudes strength. 

When we work so hard to suppress our true feelings from others we are robbing ourselves of happiness. We often do it because we feel that we need to be strong for everyone else. However, the message we send out is that we don't need them to be strong for us when it's necessary. That we don't need anyone. We can handle everyone and anything alone and simply, that is not true for anyone.

It's a lonely feeling because the people that know you well subconcuiously tell themselves that you are so strong you can handle anything or get through anything without complaining or help. After all, you have proven this to them time and time again by "never crying" and always appearing to be OKAY.

We teach people how to treat us.  

This patient touched my heart on so many levels because I felt like I was having an outer body experience. Her family was so concerned because "she never cries". It was extremely alarming to them that she was crying so it must be REALLY bad. 

This only reinforced my patient's feelings of weakness and feeling bad for crying. She had imposed these high standards on herself that she isn't allowed to show weakness i.e. cry. Therefore, I spent a lot of my day conveying to her its not weakness and that its okay to cry!

She then shared with me the second image I have attached to this post titled "kintsukuroi" which means "to repair with gold". The image is a lesson to teach us that there is more beauty in something that has been broken. 

I love it!

My patients inspire me everyday. They change my life everyday. I am so grateful to have the opportunity to make a difference in peoples lives everyday. 

Nursing has taught me that putting on the strong front is necessary sometimes but, more often than not showing emotion and compassion is the quintessence of nursing. 

Until Next Time,

Norah

Do Not Underestimate Me

The best professional advice I have received up to this point in my life was when I was 21 and fresh out of graduating college and just starting my nursing career. The unit I was working on posted a position for assistant manager and I told a mentor of mine whom I met as my first semester clinical instructor in nursing school when I was 19. He asked me, "did you apply?" I looked as him like a deer in head lights  thinking he was crazy for even asking the question considering I had officially been a nurse for 3 months. My reply matched my expression, "no, I have only been a nurse for 3 months"! He told me, "so what! that doesn't mean you don't apply"!

Essentially what he was telling me was I'm limiting myself from opportunities because I was placing limits on myself. He basically told me who cares if you are not qualified! If you believe in yourself that should be enough to apply regardless if I got the position or not. That stuck with me and I have adopted that attitude since that day. Just because I don't meet all the qualifications listed for a job position doesn't mean I can't apply for the position or do that job! He was the only person that told me once I graduated that I was now to sign everything as "First Name, Last Name RN, BSN". I was not used to adding the "RN, BSN". However, he taught me that I worked hard for those initials and that they need to be a part of my signature.

Trying to find the balance between being proud of my accomplishments and remaining humble is a challenge. I was raised by parents that taught me to be humble no matter my accomplishments, power, or net worth. Society also tells me this as a woman. However, in order to achieve the things I want to achieve I have to find the delicate balance to be proud of my accomplishments and own them while remaining humble as the same time. I have a great need to accomplish great things in my life time. Many nurses do not consider climbing the ladder they are happy just being a bedside nurse and often the ones that go back for higher education become nurse practiticioners instead of going to get their MPH or MBA so that they can be on the executive side of health care. Often you will see the MALE nurses or "murses" go this route because they want to move up! As woman and nurses we SHOULD be going for the MPH and the MBA because we SHOULD be running the hospital. No one knows the hospital like a nurse does!

As nurses we are on the front line. Without nurses hospitals simply would collapse. Why is it that the people at the top making decisions for us, the nurses, have NO idea what its like to be a nurse. They simply go by what the they THINK makes sense. Think about it like this, if you were a marine in the army wouldn't you want your sergeant major to have been a marine at one point in his career? That way when he makes decisions for the marines on the front lines he knows EXACTLY what he's talking about and what its like to be the first to get shot at? Same concept for nursing and hospital administration. Nurses should be the executive operators of the hospital not doctors.

Nurses simply don't believe that they can become top administrators in healthcare. The majority of the nursing field are women. This is precisely the reason why. Many women shoot themselves in the foot and underestimate themselves eliminating opportunities without even trying like I did when I was 21. There are many studies that prove this thinking in women compared to men as well. We need to take an active role in changing this mindset. Apply to a job that you know you don't know much about! Be adaptable! Be a quick learner! Challenge yourself! That is the only way to grow professionally. Move around. Do something different! Often we see nurses working on the same floor for 20 plus years!!! That is mind blowing to me! I could NEVER work on the same floor doing the same thing for 20 years! It just does not run in my blood.

I have a constant need to challenge myself. A constant need to be better. A constant need to be the best.  I am in competition with myself. I want to prove to myself that I CAN achieve anything I set my mind to. Throwing out all the stereotypes of being a woman, a minority, and young. In my book those are all pluses! Who wouldn't want to hire me? That's my mentality going into any job interview or when I am speaking with anyone that is a networking opportunity. I am fully confident that I am an asset to any hospital that hires me.

I am willing to jump on and take a job or project I know nothing about and learn a whole new area of healthcare. I will master it and be the best at it. Instead of try to convincing you that I have all the skills that you are looking for let me show you. Tell me a problem you have right now and give me the opportunity to fix it! You will not be disappointed!

To all the female nurses out there step up! Stop being okay with JUST being a bedside nurse. Take an active role to get involved and be a leader. I work at a hospital where there is ONE bathroom on the unit for all the nurses. WHO thought that was a smart idea?! The set up of the units are absolutely ridiculous. Clearly nurses were not involved in the engineering of the hospital. The structure of the units do not flow and are completely inefficient! If a team of nurses had been on the committee I guarantee the units would have been built differently. That is just ONE example of how administration that has never worked the front lines of the hospital makes big irreversible mistakes.

Do not underestimate what you are capable of achieving! There is nothing wrong with making your career first as a woman! Be educated, kind, compassionate, humble, assertive, fierce, adaptable, opinionated, confident and pretty all at the same time! Learn to speak up! Push yourself out of your comfort zone! Learn to accept compliments and appraisals! Just say thank you! Do not sell yourself short!!

Nurses…

We ARE the future of healthcare.

Do not underestimate me.

Until next time

-Norah

Speak Softly & Carry A Big Stick

Speak softly and carry a big stick…you will go far…

I am the type of person that will go above and beyond for the people I love and people I barely even know BUT don’t mistake my kindness for weakness…

People will test this with me especially at work. I believe in being a team player however, in my mind I am really the leader they just don’t realize it. That is when people think they can just run a muck and I will be okay with that.  Wrong!

Today started off wrong from the get go. I was annoyed the entire day because people simply don’t know how to do their job that is directly tied to me being able to do my job effectively and efficiently.

Efficiently being the key word here. I hate when people waste my time!! So many things went wrong today that are systematic complex problems on top of the normal laziness of people not wanting to do their job. It is in my nature to want to fix this stuff. I have no problem calling people and telling them I need them to do their job (speaking softly of course), do it effectively and efficiently because I don’t have the time to wait on them

You can get people to do a lot of stuff for you if you speak nicely but assertively. Build your credibility with people. Then when you make that phone call to whomever, the doctor, the pharmacist, the discharge planner and you tell them you need something and you need it now. They know you are serious and they will do it.

I have told the pharmacist several times when I am missing medications that I am missing the 0900 dose of whatever and its already 0930 I need this medication asap. The pharmacist will say something like, “we are really busy right now we will get it to you asap” and I will reply telling him, “I will come get it in 5 minutes”.  Because I know that if I rely on the pharmacist to get my medication to me on time it wont happen and he knows that too so he will take his sweet time making the medication. However, when I tell him I will be there in 5 minutes to get it and he knows I will be there in 5 minutes he will make it right away.

It is still an inconvenience for me to have to go get the medication. I am irritated I have to do that but I also don’t want to worry about a 0900 medication for the next 2 hours continuously checking the medication room to see if the medication was delivered wasting more of my time and making me even more irritated than I was to begin with.

Anyhow, enough about medications and the pharmacy…nursing assistants…

Let me tell you why I do not believe in nursing assistants in the hospital setting. I believe nursing assistants are great for nursing homes, clinics, rehab facilities ect. In the hospital….no! Many nurses will not understand this because they have never worked at a primary nursing hospital where there are no nursing assistants. However, I have. It is a million times better!

Is it more work? No. It’s that same amount of work. Except you are solely reliable for all the care given. YOU are in charge of YOUR license. The outcomes of the patients you care for are ALL yours.

With nursing assistants that is not true. The responsibility it’s shared only on your part as the registered nurse! YOU are responsible for the nursing assistants actions. If that nursing assistant forgets to tell you that your patients BP is 200s/100s and has had no urine output and did not document it in the computer and you were too busy to ask and something happens to that patient…who do you think is going to bare the responsibility? THE RN.

Personally, I don’t like nor do I enjoy working with people who are not motivated, passionate, or well educated to do their job. I absolutely hate excuses! I don’t like complainers. People whom ALWAYs have a bad day. It’s just not possible! It’s not possible that every shift you are drowning. Its not possible every single shift you have a bad assignment. The problem is YOU. Not the patient assignment. Not the floor you work on. It’s you!

Today was one of those days where I had to speak softly and carry a big stick to get things done the way I needed/wanted them and in a timely fashion. I get irritated when people don’t do their job and it’s not because they are “busy” it’s because they have been surfing the web or on their phone.

I can’t tell you how many times I had to ask my nursing assistant to get up and help me and put her phone away. To be honest, I really could have done it all myself. I don’t need her help but, it’s the principle. Why should I do her job and my job?!

When I worked at a primary nursing facility this frustration did not exist. As the nurse I was responsible for everything in terms of patient care.  The only person I could be mad at if something went wrong or did not get done was myself. Also, the nurses I worked with understood the concept of team play. Without working as a team it was understood that we would all drown. In hospitals with nursing assistants there is a division. Nurses’ work and nursing assistants’ work is black and white. There is no teamwork. The best part of working at a primary nurse facility was that we all had the same level of education and our scope of practice was equal. I was not working with people that did not have the proper background and training to understand the complex pathophysiology of medically ill patients, people that did not share the same scope of practice as myself, and people that did not understand the ramifications of their carelessness and failure to report/document critical findings with urgency.

What is the point of nursing assistants if I am going to do all the work anyway? Or even worse, have to listen to my patients complain about them and spend half of my day putting out fires that would have never been created in the first place if it were just me.

It would save me time. It would give me peace of mind. Most importantly, it would be safer for the patients.

If you are going to do something, do your absolute best or don’t do it at all. I am a perfectionist. My expectations and standards are high for myself and the people I work with…speak softly and carry a big stick…

Until next time

-Norah