"You Cheesed Me Dog"

I was reading about Chris Brown and his break up with Karrueche Tran. It’s the same story over and over. It boils down to respect and loyalty.  You think these song lyrics come from nowhere?

“We live in a generation of, not being in love, and not being together but we sure make it feel like we're together”

“These hoes ain’t loyal”

“These niggas ain’t loyal”

“You got niggas and I got bitches”

“You thought the little effort you put in was enough but how about now”

“It seems like nowadays everybody breaking up that shit can break you down if you lose a good girl I guess you need a bad bitch to come around and make it up”

“But girl, I'm just saying if you got a man back home, I don't know him just keep it on the hush”

“Left your nigga to be with my squad”

“Who do you fuck in the city when I'm not there?”

“Love you the right way he ain't gonna”

“She only fucking me cause I’m nigga rich”

“All these bitches know that you're my nigga I ain't tripping off of any of your niggas”

“Why would you call this love when you knew that it wasn't?”

“Backward ass bitch, do a good nigga bad”

“I don’t need you but I want you”

“I gotta missed call from your bitch”

“Your mans been calling me tryna get me to see that he wants me to be with him”

“She got my number stored under fake names”

“I don't trust him though I still love him”

Those are just ones I can think of right off the top of my head. I am sure I can write a 20 page essay just quoting song lyrics on how messed up the dating scene is. The worst part about these lyrics is that some of them condone having multiple guys or girls as long as she/he is the “main” girl/guy.  That is crazy! Because everyone knows if you really love someone you are NOT okay with others in the picture. However, the music we are being fed is making us think is acceptable therefore we try to override that gut feeling that it is wrong. That anyone and everyone are replaceable. It’s damaging and sad.

I feel women fall victim to this more often than men. You see women go along with acting like they are okay having threesomes, kissing other women, and just being plain promiscuous when really she was never that girl but she THINKS that’s what he wants and if she does it he will want her forever. This is precisely where women shoot themselves right in the foot or better yet, right in the heart.

We teach others how to treat us. If we disrespect ourselves how can we expect others to respect us? How can one demand respect if she/he does not respect her/himself.  You can’t demand what you can’t provide! Women often disrespect themselves by agreeing to do all of this promiscuous stuff because social media sells this idea that that’s what men want in a woman.

Sure, every man loves to look at a beautiful woman! Hell! Women like looking at beautiful women. Does it draw attention? Of course! However, does that mean that he wants to keep you long term? The odds are against you. Why? Because you are replaceable. There are thousands of women out there doing the exact same thing!

Market value. 

It’s simple.

You may not have 100 guys blowing up your phone but you will land that one guy that will consistently blow up your phone, which is ultimately what most women want and what causes all the problems with the 100 guys blowing up her phone. She wants them to consistent, they don’t want to be consistent.

Market value.

Men don’t want to be consistent because there are too many varieties of YOU. Multiple studies have shown that if you offer people TOO MUCH variety it makes it harder for the consumer to make a decision. Therefore, less variety or HIGH market value will create more consistency. Since you have no control over market variety that leaves you with the only option of making yourself a HIGH market value product.

People like to buy or keep things that are high value, popular, and most importantly keep their value over time (i.e. not FAKE).

When you go against what you believe is right because you are afraid of losing someone the only person you are cheating is yourself.

This whole Chris Brown break up plays into all of this because his ex is claiming he didn’t love her right and she deserves better. He claims that its all bullshit because she participated in the threesomes (i.e. she gave him the perception that she was okay with him having sex with other women), that she was never loyal because she visited him only once in prison meanwhile throwing parties and flying out Toronto to go on dates with Drake.

It’s a vicious cycle of disrespect that leads to disloyalty because either one or both people are trying to act like they are cool with the others behavior in fear of losing the other person. Then it just manifests itself in cheating and trying to fill that void somewhere else and justifying the cheating behavior by the very things that they did not address as NOT OK in their current relationship.  

We have to stop this cycle or at the very least know yourself and be honest with yourself and the person you are with. Keep it real and don’t be afraid to let people go.

Respect YOURSELF before anything. You will ALWAYS be winning and on top if you do that. I’m not saying it doesn’t hurt but trust me; it will hurt so much more when you disrespect yourself and lose your dignity with no choice but to walk away.

Ladies especially, learn to love you before anyone else! KNOW what you have to offer. Know that what you have to offer is high market value and act accordingly. You will never regret it because when you respect yourself you indirectly command respect from others.

Winning!

Until Next Time,

Norah