The Fear of Letting Go...

The fear of letting go…we have all felt it at some point in time in our lives. Whether it was leaving home to venture to a new city alone, throwing away your favorite pair of shoes, selling your first car, walking away from a relationship you knew wasn't any good for you, or embracing the loss of someone you loved.

Since becoming a nurse 4 years ago I have slowly learned to stop fearing letting go of things. I have seen so many people pass away which is probably the hardest life event for a person to let go of especially when it is someone dear to your heart. However, nursing has taught me there is only little in our control to change an inevitable outcome…

I have learned to stay strong, be positive, and keep hope alive for many even though I know the outcome is not what is desired. I learned that people NEED that little bit of hope to begin coping with reality. It’s that little bit of hope that gets them out of bed in the morning and gives them the drive to continue battling through life. Whether it is the person going through it or his/her loved ones. The pain is a shared loss.

The person going through it is suffering and the people around him/her are suffering watching their loved one suffer. They are all fighting with the hope that it will all be worth it in the end. Their loved one will be cured and life can resume as it was before. The reality is, it won’t. Even if the disease itself is cured the treatments along the way to the cure cause new damage and often is forever. It creates new problems when at first the individual started with one big problem and ends with the big problem solved and a bunch of smaller problems to deal with regularly.

If you don’t really know what you are in for then ignorance is bliss. As a nurse, I know it is possible to be the exception and beat the odds. However, being realistic, is knowing the possibilities of that are slim.

As a nurse, you can always count on me to be positive. Greet you with a smile. Keep your hopes alive. Fight for your health. Hold your hand through all the treatments. Stand strong by your side when the doctor comes in to give bad news. Encourage you to keep pushing and fighting. Crack jokes just to make you laugh. Urge you to find a reason worth living for…

Nevertheless, you can be sure when I walk out of that room my eyes are filled with tears. I’m at loss for words and my heart breaks into a million pieces…

I wish I could change it. I wish I could make it all go away. I wish it never even happened in the first place…

The fear of letting go…

I’ve learned not to fear it anymore…

Until next time.

-Norah