Humbled & Grateful

This past month has been a humbling one at work.

I have taken care of a 20 year old young lady with stage IV ovarian cancer and now a 23 year old young man with testicular cancer.

Granted my 23 year old male patient had to have his testicles removed but will continue to live a healthy life it is still a BIG deal. Any man would agree.

My 20 year old female patient did not even remember who I was this last week after taking care of her the pervious week. When I went in her room she was looking at me blankly. When I asked her if she remembered me she told me, "you look a little familiar". I tried to remind her of the previous week and she just shook her head side to side in frustration.

That hurt. Bad. She is declining so fast. She's only 20. My heart breaks every time I take care of her. I had to hold back tears that day.

I am humbled and grateful for everything. Especially my health. Any little thing throws us off. A sore throat, itchy eyes, or sore feet from dancing in heels all night. However, we tolerate it because we KNOW its temporary. That it will go away. What if we found out it wouldn't go away? How would you feel? How do you think you would react? How would you cope?

I always thought about that this past February when I had my meniscus repaired and I was stuck in a brace that locked my knee in full extension and was on crutches for 6 weeks. The idea didn't seem so bad until I was living it. My knee was hurting of course from surgery but it was in the days to come that I found myself frustrated and emotional because I am so used to being independent and doing things on my own I wanted to continue being independent. I didn't want to ask for help. My back, shoulders, and palms of my hands were sore from crutching everywhere. My pinky fingers would go numb from my nerves being compressed in my wrist from crutching around. My right hip was aching in pain from not being able to bend my surgical knee to change its position. My left hip was hurting from putting all my body weight on it. It was crazy. In the moments that I would have my little breakdowns by myself I would hold on to the thought that it would be over in a few weeks. That it would get better as time goes on. However, it really made me think about the people for example that are in a traumatic car accident or some form of traumatic event and wake up in the hospital after maybe being a in a coma for a few days to find out they are permanently a paraplegic or quadriplegic or maybe even a below knee amputation.

That is forever! The coping curve is HUGE for them. The sadness, frustration, anger...I can't imagine. I hated being on crutches. I was so stubborn I would figure out how to do everything by myself. The only thing I couldn't do no matter what was drive. That was a pain too. Having to ask to be taken to my doctors appointments and such. My heart goes out to those people.

I can relate easily. When I see my patients especially the young ones get frustrated easily by needing help to just simply get out of bed to chair or use the bathroom. I can empathize on so many levels. I try my best to encourage their independence but let them know that their safety is first. It would be a huge ego blow for a person in their twenties to end up on the floor because they fell trying to transfer from bed to chair. It would be hard for them to comprehend how that happened.

I remember waking up on maybe my 2nd or 3rd night after knee surgery and I was crutching to the bathroom and the pain was paralyzing. I remember I was stuck in the bathroom just crying because it hurt so bad and I didn't know I could possibly crutch all the way back to my bed. It was such a helpless feeling. I hated it!! I completely understand with my patients.

I understand all of it. Nursing is not just basic skills. Nursing is about understanding the psychology of what is happening mentally with your patients at well. As a nurse if you can understand the psychology behind your patients behavior it makes your job easier and you can empathize or sympathize with them better. Connect on a deeper level. That's how you become a great nurse. That is how you make a difference. The essence of nursing is caring. If you don't care that is when you need to bow out.

No one wants to be cared for by an emotionless nurse. It's ok to shed a few tears with your patients or their family especially when you've built a relationship with them over time. It's ok to give a patient or family member a hug to comfort them. It's ok to just hold a patients hand as they cry. In the same respect it's the same as giving your patient a high five for great effort. You change peoples lives when you touch them emotionally. It changes everything.

I have a greater appreciation for every little bit of health.  Life is short. Do what makes you happy. Don't forget to tell the ones you love that you love them. Be the best person you can be everyday. Learn to be positive even when it seems like you are surrounded by negativity find an outlet to keep you positive. Genuinely want good things for others. Make best with what you have. Great things happen to great people.

Nursing has changed my life.

I am humbled and grateful.

Until next time.

-Norah