The past week I was assigned to a patient that was 20 years old who was diagnosed with stage four ovarian cancer. It has metastasized throughout her body and into her bones. Her kidneys are shutting down and fluid is accumulating in her system. She needs maximum assistance to get out of bed and pivot into a wheelchair to go the bathroom or anywhere else.
My heart broke into a million pieces taking care of her.
Beautiful young women. SO sweet. I asked myself over and over, why? She is so young. Her entire life is ahead of her. She was going to culinary school. She said she loved italian food and loved making pastas from scratch. She has worked in the family business growing up which was a restaurant that inspired her to become a chef one day. She is engaged. A normal 20 year old young lady. Now...
She is so afraid. She has had more procedures done on her in a matter of 3 days than a 60 year old has had in their lifetime. I wish I could fix it! I wish I could make her better!
Despite her fear, she is a fighter. My goal was to be a motivator for her. Being positive. Reinforcing everything she did with positive feed back. Encouraging her to use as much of her muscle strength as she could when transferring. Then telling her she how amazing she did when she was done! Telling her to keep fighting and not let people do things for her if she can do it herself. I told her I want her to try. It didn't matter if she didn't complete whatever it was she was doing as long as she tried! Encouraged her to eat despite a low appetite. I told her I don't care if we have to try a 100 different foods to find one you can tolerate, I'll do it. Everyone needs hope. Even if it's a smallest bit of hope. If it's there it will be enough to push one to fight and want to get better regardless of how bleak the outcome maybe. Everyone deserves that in any situation.
She was so grateful....I gave her a high five and told her she was awesome after she transferred and did a lot of the work by herself one of the times and she flashed me this big smile and thanked me. She hadn't smiled all day...
It made me so happy.
She was extremely polite. She would only address me as "Miss Norah". I told her not to but to call me Norah and she refused. She would also call me "ma'am"...
It's people like her... I do this job because of them. They inspire me. They are amazing. They give me a chance to make a difference. The chance to make an impact. That chance to make a lasting impression.
Toward the end of my shift I went in to check on her and she was chit chatting with her fiancé on the phone. I was getting ready to walk out to let her chat when she called me back into the room. I went back and she told she had a mango for me because mango's are her favorite fruit and she wanted to share that with me. It was so sweet. So innocent. So sincere. It broke my heart. It was bittersweet. I can't put into words how she made me feel at that moment. I wish I had the power to make her better.
I was just so happy to see her in such a good mood before I left that night. She is actually quite the comedian. She made me laugh several times that evening.
She has a beautiful soul. She is a beautiful person. Patients like her remind me of why life is worth living.
Enjoy every moment. Tell the people you love that you love them. Swallow your pride. Be kind to people. Don't intentionally hurt others. Help people when you can. Life is not about the material things. It's not about how much money you make or the title you have. You can't and you won't have all that tangible stuff when you die. That is the only known fact of life. Death.
Make your life memorable not just to yourself but so that others too remember you in a positive light. Don't let the worries and stresses of life let you become jaded. Be the best you everyday.
There is no reward better than knowing you can/have made a difference.
Until next time.
-Norah
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